Shadowing Celeste Headlee

Summary

Celeste Headlee draws on her experience as a radio interviewer to explain how ordinary conversations can become more engaging and respectful. She argues that the central problem is an imbalance between speaking and listening. Her ten rules focus on real attention, curiosity and restraint rather than techniques for merely appearing interested. The talk ends with an invitation to approach other people expecting that they have something worth discovering.

Key points, in order

1. Begin by being fully present and ready to learn. Headlee discourages multitasking and turning a conversation into an uninterrupted statement of your own opinions, especially when disagreement could offer something new.
2. Ask open questions that let the other person describe their experience. Follow what they actually say instead of holding onto a prepared question or an unrelated story while the conversation moves on.
3. Be honest when you do not know something, and avoid equating someone else’s experience with your own. She also recommends cutting repetition and details that distract from the person or point.
4. Listening takes deliberate effort because attention easily shifts toward what we want to say next. Her final recommendations are to be brief, remain interested and give people room to surprise you.

Five useful phrases to practise

Choose a caption line to open Repeat mode. Listen, then say it after the speaker.

1. 4:27 Number one: Don't multitask.
2. 5:49 Again, assume that you have something to learn.
3. 7:26 Number five: If you don't know, say that you don't know.
4. 8:04 All experiences are individual.
5. 10:32 Be interested in other people.

Based on the video’s captions. Original video: Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation | TED · TED.

Everyday phrases from this video

• I mean
• you have to

• Level: B1
• Accent: American
• Length: 12 min · 160 lines to practise
• Speed: about 174 words a minute (faster than most talks)
• Words: about 1,950; the talk asks 8 questions
• Timing: Sada measures how far behind the speaker you are on every line

What to focus on in this talk

A radio host’s clear diction at a quick pace. Build up the long line “unfriended someone on Facebook because they said something offensive” in parts; “Henry Higgins” and “anti-vaxxing” are good for word stress.

What this talk trains

Celeste Headlee speaks for about 12 minutes: roughly 1,950 words in 160 caption lines. The pace eases off as the talk goes on, from about 186 words a minute in the first quarter to 160 in the last. Overall it is faster than 48 of the other 66 talks on Sada. Its sentences average 13.1 words, no longer than the middle of the library (14.3), and 11.8% of its words fall outside the 3,000 most common English words (library middle: 12.9%). It asks 8 questions, so there is plenty of question intonation to copy. Phrases that fast speech often shortens come up again and again: “going to” (11 times) and “out of” (7 times).

Lines from across the talk, and what each one trains

One line from each quarter of the talk. Press a line to open it in Sada, ready to record. “Linking” marks words that run together: a word ending in a consonant sound joins the vowel that starts the next one.

1. 2:28 It might sound like a funny question, but we have to ask ourselves:

   “have to”: fast speech often shortens it to “hafta” when a verb follows. Listen for whether the speaker does here. One of the quicker lines: about 246 words a minute by the caption timing, against 174 for the whole talk.

2. 5:10 If they're conservative, they're going to hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.

   “going to”: fast speech often shortens it to “gonna” when a verb follows. Listen for whether the speaker does here. Linking: say “stamps and”, “and abortion” without a break between the words.

3. 8:32 It's condescending, and it's really boring, and we tend to do it a lot.

   Linking: say “and it's”, “it a” without a break between the words. Several commas: say it in short chunks first, then as one line.

4. 9:28 And Calvin Coolidge said, "No man ever listened his way out of a job."

   “out of”: fast speech often shortens it to “outta”. Listen for whether the speaker does here. Linking: say “man ever”, “out of”, “of a” without a break between the words.

Words that keep coming up

Words outside the 3,000 most common English words that Celeste Headlee uses more than once. The number is how often each is said. Look up any you don’t know, then press it to practise the line where it first comes up.

• conversation ×17
• teach ×3
• skill ×3
• hate ×3
• realize ×2
• repeat ×2
• forget ×2
• exact ×2

How the pace changes through the talk

The fastest minute starts at 1:18 (about 206 words a minute): practise that minute once the rest feels easy. The slowest starts at 3:09 (about 145): a good minute to warm up with.

Measured from the caption timing, so the numbers are close, not exact.

How the talk opens: press any line to practise it

1. 0:12 All right, I want to see a show of hands:
2. 0:14 how many of you have unfriended someone on Facebook because they said something offensive about politics or religion,
3. 0:21 childcare, food?
4. 0:25 And how many of you know at least one person that you avoid because you just don't want to talk to them?
5. 0:32 You know, it used to be that in order to have a polite conversation,
6. 0:36 we just had to follow the advice of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady": Stick to the weather and your health.

How to practise this talk

1. Warm up on the slowest minute (from 3:09) or on the opening lines above.
2. Then take the chosen lines above one at a time: a shortened phrase, a quick line, linked words, a line said in chunks.
3. On each line, press Record and say it after Celeste Headlee (Repeat) or along with them (Shadow), then open Compare and go again until every word is green.
4. Save the fastest minute (from 1:18, about 206 words a minute) for last.
5. At one minute a day you finish the whole talk in about 12 days, and Sada shows your first try against your latest.

More talks to practise

• Chris Lonsdale — How to Learn Any Language in Six Months (B1 · 168 words a minute · same level)
• Derek Sivers — How to Start a Movement (B1 · 182 words a minute · same level)
• Adam Grant — What Frogs in Hot Water Can Teach Us About Thinking Again (B2–C1 · 173 words a minute · same accent)
• Susan Cain — The Power of Introverts (B2 · 176 words a minute · same accent)

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